Summer Homework for the St Andrews Student

A rapid guide to make the best of your time outside of the bubble

What is summer, really? I view it not only as a blessed time to relax after a year of work (of varying intensity depending on the proximity of your degree to underwater basket weaving), but rather as an opportunity to break free from the bubble of St Andrews, and concentrate on the essential. As wonderful as our Fifan town is, it does lead to a great many changes in your life: the increased presence of Barbours and tweed, the lack of sunlight eight months a year, a diet drastically reduced in its nutritional diversity… Summer break is an opportunity to undo, or compensate for, what St Andrews forces us to be. I therefore humbly submit to you a few assignments from which I believe any St Andrews student could benefit.

The first piece of recommended homework regards reading. I have a groundbreaking theory about St Andreans: we tend to be a tad pompous. This applies to many things, particularly to ‘personal culture’. I strongly believe that it would be very interesting to compare the number of books actually read compared to the number of books people act like they’ve read. So many grandstandingly invoke the superiority that having read Marx, Machiavelli, Sartre, Dostoyevsky, or the Bible supposedly bestows upon them, while perhaps exaggerating the number of pages they’ve actually gotten through. I do think that we’re all prone to this—we are in higher education after all. However, in the spirit of actually using our youth to educate ourselves rather than to envelop ourselves in a hollow illusion of culture, I think we should collectively use this summer to read the books we act like we have read. That entails picking up the classic you’re ashamed that you've never gotten to (unless the book in question is a Dr. Seuss, nobody will judge you), or forcing yourself to read the dry philosophical book you feel embarrassed about having skipped — yes, that means Kant.

My second assignment regards smoking: commit to it, or let it go. I’m always fascinated by the number of people in St Andrews who become occasional smokers or worse — the fake, ‘for-show’ smoker. I’m not quite sure whether it’s a result of people wanting to seem more mysterious and edgy, or of people wishing to seem more French, but in any case, there is an undeniable phenomenon of non-smokers smoking in St Andrews, either to blend in or to project some image. Here is my advice to them: nicotine addiction and smoking takes a lot of commitment, and it must be said, life expectancy. So, either commit to it (in which case you will be mysterious and French), or take a breather over summer and try to be mysterious and French in other ways (dry philosophy books always do the trick).

My third assignment entails reconnecting with nature. Though St Andrews is admittedly a little beachside town, it’s difficult to have much contact with nature when you’re there, between classes and pub nights; even the odd West Sands exam period stress-walk doesn’t truly feel like connecting with nature. Therefore, this summer, go touch some grass (other than a golf green). Actually take a moment to sit down in a forest, near the sea, in a desert if you like, and just take it all in. Without a camera between you and the landscape, just see how beautiful it all is, and how little you are compared to it. It might just put everything back into perspective.

Fourth, and this is a very important one, eat vegetables. If you have the luxury of having access to a larger selection of produce than that of St Andrews’ very limited supermarkets, go all in: catch up on the nutrient deficiencies caused by your diet of leeks, canned tomatoes, pasta, and takeout Indian food. Not only is it good, it’ll probably slow down the development of scurvy this winter: double whammy. Another deficiency to combat is our total lack of vitamin D, caused by near-constant clouds and rain between October and March. We all look like white asparaguses, we ought to go out and catch some rays.

Fifth and final task: try diversifying your alcohol intake. As delightful as drinking a mixture of Chouffe, Guinness, Tesco’s Finest prosecco, and Glenn’s vodka is, it might be worth broadening your horizons. Try a cocktail other than a vodka-coke, enjoy a bottle of wine costing more than £6, construct yourself a palate. Except, of course, for American St Andrews students under 21, unable to drink legally at home: you are in all of our thoughts.

Dear classes of ’25, ’26, ’27 (and very adamant class of ’28 students, starting their uni life off well by reading The Saint during the summer), I do hope my few homework recommendations will change your life for the better, even if in a small way. I think we would all benefit from coming back in September happier, healthier, and more true to ourselves.

Image from Wikimedia Commons