Here Today, Scone Tomorrow!

A whistle stop tour of my St Andrews watering holes

Hello, my name is David and I love food. 

Yes. My favourite activity is to go for lunch; I’m a habitual sweet treat aficionado; a firm believer that a slice of cake can be better than sex; and I intend to live the rest of my life like Stanley Tucci, traipsing around Italy eating only pasta and cannolis. Call me a student version of Grace Dent, if you will. Thus, what better way to divulge all of my pent up St Andrean food and drink knowledge than in word-form to you, my hungry-eyed reader. So throw out that jar of out-of-date Tesco pesto and your yellow-label orzo salad, and join me as I take you round my watering holes in St Andrews: where I eat, drink, and gossip to my heart’s content. 

Keep in mind, my traits have frayed the relationship between me and my Santander Student Account. However, one must live a little. Well at least that’s what I usually tell myself. No, of course I’m not paying for you.

The starting point of this tour is Rector’s Cafe and Main Bar. Surprisingly, both are solid options for a lunch visit following a morning shift at the library. I’m immensely fond of the chorizo, cheese, and chilli jam toastie, and if you make it past the recurring ‘ch’ sound when ordering, you’ll find a delicious and affordable light lunch. I’m also partial to a Rector’s Hawaiian Slice — they are very naughty. 

Turn left onto Greyfriars Gardens — the site of many a ‘will-I-get-a-Spoiled-or-a-Taste?’ dilemma. Both coffee shops are five-star, but if you choose the former, you can expect a contemporary, stylish, and to be quite honest, very glamorous coffee trip. With a winding white staircase and monochrome interior, it has the very essence of a ‘treat yo self’ trip. 

Taste, on the other hand, is a touch more rustic and truly, there are no cats to swing in here — you will be taking your coffee to-go. But, do not make the same mistake I did in my first and second year, and allow yourself to be frightened of the queue outside — you will be fine. Admittedly, a trip to Taste can evoke your inner Britishness, finding yourself doing the classic “ooh-err-umm” when you don’t know which coffee is yours. But trust me, it is worth it. With incredibly good cannolis and the BEST almond croissant in town, it is the site of many a sweet treat trip. 

Now that we’re on North Street, let us jog up to Northpoint Cafe like William and Kate in that painfully awkward encounter in The Crown, where the two ‘met for coffee’ or so the front-window states. Truly, nothing is more St Andrean than your daily reminder that Wills and Kate did go here, almost as if you haven’t been plagued by the same comment by those in your hometown. Frankly, I frequent this cafe an embarrassing amount and when I say embarrassing, I mean that I recently walked in to one of the servers telling me the status of the scones because they were running low. A jam and (then) cream scone is, of course, the answer to all my problems and my fans will remember my famed ‘Love Letter to The Scone’ article from February 2023. Go read it; it’s truly the pinnacle of my journalistic career. Northpoint does not abide by traditional scone standards, producing new flavours daily (all of which I’ve probably tasted). Pinkie’s up! 

Round the corner and marking the beginning of my quick-fire round of St Andrews staples, find Jannettas Gelateria — which, of course, needs no introduction. Family-owned for 116 years and now in its fifth generation, it boasts every flavour imaginable. Be prepared to make many trips here in first-year before you get sick of ice-cream. 

Head up to CombiniCo and grab one of their famous bowls — a hit with many (if not all) St Andrews students. The cynic in me doesn’t quite understand the fascination but I am told the quality of food is top-notch.

Drop by The Criterion for an infamous ‘Cri-Pie’, a mountain of puff pastry and underneath, stewed meat or alternatively, some delicious vegetarian flavours. Admittedly, I have never had one, and I consider it to be an egregious error on my part. Stay tuned. 

Run round the corner to a Fife institution, Fisher & Donaldson. Head under the iconic pink awning and breathe in the smell of fudge, vanilla, and buttery pastry. Choose either a fudge doughnut or coffee tower, both being excellent choices, and remember to send a pic to your mum — she’ll appreciate it.

If you care for cheese and crackers, visit I.J. Mellis, purveyors of the finest Scottish artisan cheeses, alongside a selection of crackers, chutneys, and wine. My mum loves it here, so make sure to take your family when they visit. 

Now, after all that running about, I think we deserve a pint. Head down Market Street to the site of me and my friends’ rite of passage, affectionately dubbed the ‘Post-Library-Pub-Pipeline’: The Central. A warm and welcoming pub with a circular bar and intricate medieval-like ceiling, it is truly the best of the best — sorry to all the die-hard Aikman’s lovers out there. The only drawback is the loss of Aspall, which I will perpetually mourn. But, The Central will always have my heart. 

For a small town in Fife, St Andrews has plenty to offer food and drink wise. One, however, cannot ignore the prices of these places. I know we students constantly have money on our minds, and you may well have to dig that out-of-date pesto out of the bin. There is no denying, however, that after being slumped over your laptop doing readings at the Library, something like a sweet treat can go a long way. Go on, be naughty!

Illustration by Magdalena Yiacoumi