He Was Working as a Waiter in a Cocktail Bar

Thomas Tuchel gets off to a winning start in his World Cup quest.

Tuchel was working as a cocktail waiter when he got the call offering him a job at VfB Stuttgart; he has gone on to coach some of Europe’s most prestigious clubs. He now faces undoubtedly the biggest challenge of his career — winning England the World Cup.

Many questioned the England national team appointing a German manager. Many may be surprised to learn that our Royal Family bore the name Saxe-Coburg-Gotha until 1917. The ‘Windsors’ are about as English as a Dachshund dressed in a Giorgio Armani tuxedo.  

Granted, England’s previous attempt at hiring a foreign manager was not a roaring success. Fabio Capello sleepwalked the national team into major tournament results like 0-0 against Algeria and 1-1 against the US with all the enthusiasm of a Neapolitan chef reluctantly preparing a picky British tourist a bowl of plain penne. 

Tuchel seems a cut above the Italian. He’s got numerous domestic titles to his name as well as the coveted Champions League trophy. This guy is a serial winner.

The German’s all-encompassing approach to management has earned him admirers and sceptics in equal measure. The strict dietary requirements imposed on his players at Borussia Dortmund earned him the nickname ‘Tofu Tuchel’ in the German tabloid press. 

He is similarly unconventional in the dugout. His touchline antics resemble a competitive dad haranguing his ten-year-old son at a school sports day.

Tuchel’s predecessor, Sir Gareth Southgate, transformed the culture of the England football team. Once a toxic and defeatist environment, he instilled an infectious go get ‘em mentality that the country really got behind. 

Fans lose sight of just how bad England were pre-Gareth, losing to Iceland at Euro 2016, a country with more active volcanoes than professional footballers. 

Southgate was the architect of unforgettable moments like the penalty win against Colombia, the comeback against Slovakia and the Watkins winner against the Netherlands. 

Like any plucky British hero, however, Southgate’s reign will be remembered as an oh-so-near tale of anguish — a series of what-ifs culminating in Mikel Oyarzabal’s heartbreaking last-minute winner at the European Championship final last summer. 

Despite Gareth’s successes, a clean break from the past was necessary in the wake of the devastating defeat in Berlin. Tuchel fits the bill. His cutthroat and at times arrogant manner is far-removed from Southgate’s unassuming charm.  

There were already promising signs in Tuchel’s opening games against Albania and Latvia over the international break. Myles Lewis-Skelly seems to be the left-sided defender England have been crying out for — he linked up with the inimitable Jude Bellingham to become England’s youngest-ever debut scorer. 

Failure to fully utilise Bellingham’s god-like ability was one of the major criticisms levelled at Southgate during his tenure. His successor’s capacity to get the best out of the Real Madrid midfielder may be the difference between England lifting the World Cup Trophy in 2026.

The reality of the bizarrely short eighteen-month contract handed to him by the FA had an obvious impact on Tuchel’s first squad selection. He opted for the much-maligned, but well-experienced, Jordan Henderson, and handed Dan Burn his first senior cap, making him the second-oldest debutant in England history. 

Hopefully, the immediacy of Tuchel’s task does not deter the German from rolling the dice when necessary. One of Southgate’s great strengths was making bold calls in high-pressure situations, something the often pragmatic Tuchel ought to emulate.  

In many ways, the task of the England manager is akin to that of a mixologist. Tuchel has a wealth of ingredients at his disposal, but whether he can knock up a decent pina colada, only time will tell.

Image from Wikimedia Commons