Devil's Advocate: Is Love Worth the Hassle?

YES: Mistral Zerbi

Gone are the days for hopeless romantics. With high divorce rates, the option of ‘casual’ relationships, fear of commitment, and an acute, constant awareness of the world's cruelty, it seems almost delusional to believe in love — doesn’t it? 

And yet, we still do. We still long to love and be loved, unapologetically. When I asked myself whether love was "worth the hassle", I couldn't help but question what this "hassle" exactly was. I mean, sure, no romance is free of problems, compromises, adaptations, and arguments, but when does it become a "hassle", really? If we think of it rationally, many might argue that love is not something we choose, it's something that we are biologically drawn into, so whether it is worth it or not we will still long for it. I disagree. It would be reductive to say that we simply love because we have to. We don’t simply need love, nor do we just want love; we love to love. 

We love knowing that we are a little more special to someone out there. We love quality time and special dates — some of us even enjoy the thrill of an argument (yours truly included, sue me). Certainly, no reward comes without hassle. Otherwise, we would also rationally conclude that it is simply not worth it to build a career, to have children, or even to build friendships. Good things always come from effort.

Yet when we evaluate whether something is "worth the hassle”, we tend to weigh its hardships and see if they are balanced out by its pleasures. But it simply isn't that easy. Many approach love as this grand ideal, a finish line that, once crossed, guarantees happiness in return for our effort. The cynical think that we are all inherently messed up, so why put effort into something that will likely never really work? Well, because love is less of a transaction and more of an ongoing act of faith. Can we be certain that we won't get cheated on after offering years of loyalty and affection? No, we never are. It's uncertain, as any act of faith is.

Kerouac said that "life's all about the journey". It demands daily constructive effort, and as a part of that effort, the "hassle" of love makes sense. We often forget this, but no one has the right to move through life entirely free from offence, disappointment, or other negative feelings. That’s the price of existing in society, and if you truly cannot bear it, the only alternative is to become a happy hermit.

After all the evils had escaped from Pandora’s box, hope was the only thing left. A small but powerful feeling, enough to balance the endless suffering. I think love works the same way. No matter how discouraging or negative the world gets, we never stop loving. No matter how much hardship love brings, the joys will outweigh the struggle on Cupid’s balance. There is no currency more valuable to humans than love, no force more transformative, and that might be what makes it worth the hassle. And if your balance sheet says the opposite, maybe it's not love itself, it might just be the wrong person. As cheesy as this sounds, in the end, all we have is each other.

NO: Agata Mala

Love is a logistical nightmare. Yet, for some reason, we keep signing up. Why? Because biologically, we’re wired for it. Love isn’t a conscious choice; it’s an evolutionary trap. If we were Vulcans — an extraterrestrial humanoid species dedicated to pure logic — we wouldn’t even be having this discussion. But since we’re humans, cursed with emotions and a misguided belief in soulmates, we continue to willingly dive into the hassle that is love.

If we take emotion out of the equation, love quickly starts to look less like a fairytale experience and more like a catastrophic lapse in judgment. Relationships are essentially long-term contracts requiring you to tolerate another person’s quirks, bodily functions, and irritatingly loud chewing — sometimes for decades. And for what? Some fleeting dopamine hits? The temporary validation that comes with feeling truly seen by another person? A brief escape from the chains of our deep-seated fear of loneliness and the existential dread that accompanies it? 

These reasons seem enough to us in the moment because love is built on denial — denial that everything, including love itself, is transient. At its core, love is often just a neatly wrapped distraction from the crushing weight of our own existence. It's the ultimate coping mechanism: a socially sanctioned way to momentarily silence the gnawing fear that, without a romantic partner, we might have to actually sit with our thoughts and confront our own finiteness. 

If you buy into the arcane practice of marriage, odds are it’ll fall apart. Even if you make it to “’til death do us part,” there’s no guarantee that your long-term relationship won’t turn into a joyless cohabitation arrangement fuelled by mutual responsibilities, resentment, and painfully silent dinners. Even among those who stay together, research shows that relationship satisfaction declines over time. The passionate love that initially makes us overlook our partner’s annoying habits typically fades within 12 to 18 months, after which reality sets in, and we're left navigating the mundane logistics of another person's laundry habits.

Think about all the energy love demands. Texting, planning dates, remembering anniversaries, dealing with in-laws — it’s exhausting. And shockingly costly! A 2023 study found that the average person in the UK spends £2,000 per year on dating. That’s before you factor in couples therapy, or the inevitable cost of dividing your possessions after a painful breakup. If someone suggested any other activity that required this much money, effort, and emotional turmoil, you’d laugh them out of the room. Yet somehow, love gets a free pass.

Love is just liking someone beyond rational self-interest. It’s deciding, against all logic, that you are willing to sacrifice time, money, and emotional stability for another human being. Love is, in essence, emotional gambling — you bet everything on a single person, hoping they don’t change (they will), leave (they might), or become increasingly grumpy after years of working a soul-sucking corporate job (inevitable).

The real kicker is that, despite all of this, we will pursue love anyway. Whether it’s nature, societal conditioning, or a collective lapse in judgment, humans are incapable of learning from experience when it comes to love. You can have a catastrophic breakup, swear off romance forever, and yet, six months later, find yourself downloading Hinge like a moth drawn to a particularly disastrous flame.

So happy Valentine's Day! May your roses be red, your chocolates overpriced, and your existential dread temporarily forgotten.

Illustration by Holly Ward