A Very Icky Trend

Let's be more open-minded

One of the only lockdown trends to have not only permeated the public consciousness, ‘the ick’ has a powerful hold on the landscape of modern-day dating. Five years on, now that we’re not sixteen anymore, and relationships are becoming more meaningful, the happy blue of ick jokes has darkened in tone. It has now become common to pick apart any prospective partner to the nth degree. Ranging from clothes to conversation, habits to housing, anything and everything goes. As long as it doesn’t actually matter. In our old age, the ick too has grown — from an impish joke to a gnarled ogre marching across the dating landscape, undefeated as it wreaks its havoc.

To some, it is a natural defense mechanism. By poking fun, raising tiny flaws to personality-defining status, we create a barrier between two people understanding each other as equals. Something that protects us from the possibility of being vulnerable. These nicknames and anecdotes end up robbing the other person of their humanity. It taps into the uglier side of people, embracing disgust and judgement, and discouraging connection and open-mindedness. To feel more powerful, to hide the emotional side of us that is inevitably revealed in romance, one ends up belittling people, reducing them to the fact that (gasp) they’re a major in SD.

This is not only hurtful to (I say this with empathy) the icky person — it is going to hurt you as well. Slowly but surely, it is taking away any chance of happiness from you. When you let yourself cut off all feelings while you’re only just getting to know someone, you’re sabotaging any chances you have at moving further. It would be fine, were it over something serious, if you’re genuinely incompatible as people; but if not, if it’s just some ‘gut feeling’, you’re creating a pattern of running for the hills the second things could get intimate. More than that — it ruins your perception, both of others and yourself. Finding so much fault in others harbours in it an inherently negative outlook towards the world, and it makes it easier to find fault in ourselves. It facilitates critical and despondent outlooks on life, making the world around you just that bit ickier.

This feels as if it’s part of a bigger issue. Dating culture is now a circus tent of passionless rituals: hookups whose faces you can’t quite remember, 24-hour wait periods before texting back, sporadic story likes and finding your tutors on Hinge. At the closest blush of intimacy, it has become normal to find some personality trait that’s just too icky. Like a three-in-one shampoo, the ick offers a sterile and uniquely modern cleanse. Intimacy begone, a combination of puke-green disgust, sardonic cruelty, and ‘witty’ jokes will instantly cure you of any affection.

This widespread culture of putting down anyone you could potentially date, of stripping yourself bare of any real affection, of building walls between yourself and any potential partner, is incredibly dangerous. It creates a norm of dislike and distrust in the dating field, making meaningful relationships an anomaly. The cult of the not-caring, not-that-deep, no-strings-attached mindset has a chokehold on our generation. It is holding us back from having to truly feel. The ick is just one aspect of this, but it does hold a lot of power. Culture is built on jokes, and ick jokes massively bolster a culture of detachment. Reducing people to short sharp anecdotes, creating ‘funny stories’ out of genuine connection, feels like a secondary school hangup. As we’re growing up and maturing, let’s allow some space for our perception of those around us to mature in kind.

Image from Wikimedia Commons